Take me the mountains and don’t let come back until it’s all over.
The thought of you tightens my lower belly. My lips stay glued from fear of words. In despair of my imagination, I dagger every atom of virtue I have left. Lost in thoughts, utterly agnostic of that which created the first spark, the same one that re-wrote all my codes of integrity.
Had life been logical like math, had words remained lifeless, had eyes captured solely images without corrupting them with self-inflicting thoughts, had minds thought strictly progressively and had actions been only done what the brain willed. Had this organism acted like a robot.
But this confused web of emotions zaps in and entangles my prefrontal cortex, floating in with a giant ball of thread. It goes round and round, tangling everything in its way with messy feelings.
Your laughter, your gestures, your slightly unorganised dent, the frown, your surprised face, my palpitating heart at a sight of another human. Just another human!
My reflection of loneliness standing solo in this vicinity stares back at me wondering where this innate personality has been hiding for so long. Obviously, 20-something years of grooming has failed in alienating this female embodiment of everything lady etiquettes repels.
I feel bad because I can’t act cold and unaffected like I usually do.
I feel sad because the I let loose at the mention of your name.
I feel bad because every time I ask you how you are, I actually need to know
I feel sad because I’m genuinely interested you and what you have to say even though it’s usually uninteresting.
Just a beep on my phone creates enough vibration to notify my whole body. The anxiety and expectancy all mixed for one purpose, waiting – waiting, just waiting for only one voice to soothe. Yours!
Curse that damned arrow of cupid and its gross stupidity. It’s arrow pierces my heart in all the wrong places.
Not today Satan, not now.
If thou wouldn’t find me a drunken equivalent, then take this heart away. I shouldn’t dream alone.
My mind beats me, in the heat of seriousness, it floats into a mirage with engraved images of you and me, this mind thus plays too much. My thoughts appear as truth, so true, i utter real words to the air.
But why you?
What choose you? for certainly not me. I did not choose you, not with your tarnished tracks. My lists of must-haves turns its face at how unfit you fit.
Here and now, I plead to be re-invented and this time without this mushy button.
Spare me this torture of illusions, let me rest in my usual aloneness in all dignity. Is my karma this tainted, or is this a stunt to teach me politeness. This hard heart of mine truly loves to bleed.
In your arms, my world falls under the stars, and my feet leap with tremendous joy. My eyes sparkle in amazement as I stare into your soul lost in your aura. I let my bonds and chains fall, and let you stride in freely to command and rule. For you, I will stop the pursuit and shut all doors to suitors.
In my head, these lines paint real pictures.
If it’s not true, I beg thee to let me be and let my heart beat only rationally, let this brain think only about vain things and cars if need be, those never stroke me anyway.
But I won’t apologize for being sloppy, just this once.