“I do not wish to hide my origins, nor do I seek to make it a subject of conversation. I am what I am,” but I can change, I should change.
Year endings are sentimental, and it’s not just about the hullabaloo about Christmas and a new year, it more. It’s a tripod- Christmas, new-year and my birthday all one week apart. It’s about the time when I write a ridiculously long list of all the things I should accomplish before the coming year runs out. This year took a different turn as I reviewed my previous list in comparison to my present state, it sucked. Frankly, I sucked at it.
• I didn’t beat my challenge of writing 1000 words daily, I still do not even write every day,
• I barely called my family and if I dared to, most likely because I had heard unpleasant news.
• I didn’t express my feelings as often as I should; heck I think my lips can’t properly pronounce ‘I love you.’
• My plan to eat clean was indeed laughable compared to the reality. I didn’t exercise as much as I intended to.
• I complained about things I shouldn’t and sometimes I perceive my own ingratitude and it stinks.
• I didn’t pray regularly except I was in dire need of help or a listening ear – it was usually the last thing.
• I forgot to be more generous to strangers and quite frankly, I willingly choose to ignore most times.
• I indulged in harmless gossip and criticised people. In my defense, it was hard to resist a good gist corner
• I still struggle with my dining etiquette, half of which I hardly take the time to practice.
• I still squander valuable time on Instagram, half the time drooling and wishing I looked like a bunch of other girls, with smoother skin, longer hair and rounded hips. My self confidence still dwindles. I have insecurities.
• At work, I still wonder how I got there and why I’m still there.
• I often size people up.
• I found that I’m uncertain about my purpose; I think I’ve found it then I snap back into a state of uncertainty in a matter of minutes.
• I barely read as much as I pretend to and definitely not close to 1 book weekly.
• My love life is practically non-existent
• I cry because it feels better, I’m scared to be vulnerable and I fret over little issues.
This damn near pathetic list with gruesome details of inadequacies scarcely covers the truth.
“Character isn’t something you were born with and can’t change, like your fingerprints. It’s something you weren’t born with and must take responsibility for forming.” Jim Rohn
One thing I realised while writing this was, it seemed easier to work on my job and school than work on myself. The reasons I could think of were; no one is perfect, building character lacks urgency.
I find with goals outside character building, there are usually monetary value and a dose of admiration from a third party. No one cheers or claps whenever you lend a helping hand to strangers, it’s a personal contentment.
No one gives you a raise for having a good heart, at least not directly nor immediately.
But a perfect gpa, or getting a new job, losing some weight sure gets more attention. So it’s understandable that we would rather throw ourselves into our work, school, project or whatever it is that we do than focus on the most important seemingly far-fetched obligation of sorting out our character.
“Learn to work harder on yourself than your job. If you work hard on your job, you can make a living. But if you work hard on yourself you’ll make a fortune.” Jim Rohn
The list above exposes weakness and awe-inspiring opportunity for growth. I accepted the truth and I decided to write down how I would like to be like. This is what I’ll be keeping;
• I write at least 1000 words every day.
• I have an intimate relationship with God.
• I’m generous and I pay close attention to the needs of people.
• I treat people the way I want to be treated.
• I am mindful of what I say, I speak only with love.
• I am highly creative and innovative.
• I devote time and energy to continuous learning and improving every aspect of my life.
“One is to be admired for rebuilding himself, not judged”. (From the movie, Last knights)
Sadly we’re accustomed to negative behaviour and we expect it, it shouldn’t be baffling when we are met with cynical remarks when attempting to follow through with the goal of becoming a better person. Don’t fall for it and do not do it either, give people a chance to be better even if it’s just an act.
“I do not wish to hide my origins, nor do I seek to make it a subject of conversation. I am what I am,” Ryan Giggs