Something horrible just happened and I think it’s my birthday.

Today is my birthday.

Today is my birth-date; I once had a teacher who made it his life’s mission to say birth-date. Funny thing is, I think I now understand why.

Three years ago I claimed to be two years older, now I can’t say my age without skipping a heartbeat.

I think it’s the numbers that make me cringe, I like huge numbers but only in my bank account, anything else scares me.

I used to be 18; I used to be 21… I can feel my heart racing already.

The little girl down my street says, she wants to be like me when she grows up but I ain’t even grown yet. I should tell her to stay young but it’s no use, nature traps us all. This is what I did tell her though, IT’S A TRAP.

Last Sunday, the preacher told me he could see a husband coming soon. He said I should get ready for the breakthrough coming through. All I wanted to ask was when he could see when price tags wouldn’t bother me anymore.

Apparently, not all young women dream only of aseobi and colourful receptions.

The other day, I spoke to my friend from high school, I’ve known her for 11 years. She told me November makes her sad; she was born on November 1st.Image result for sad birthday

My little cousins think I’m super cool; they stare while I put on makeup and talk about work like it’s a spa. One of them says she hates school and can’t wait to leave. She isn’t even in university yet. Who else wants to tell her, exams are probably the only straightforward thing in life?
The other said she can’t wait to have total freedom, free of curfews. Well, my bank statement makes curfew seem like child’s play to me.

My mom called me this morning. Her words, “Nne you’re getting old oo.” She said jokingly while attaching an annoying happy birthday wish at the end.

I used to be one of the youngest in my class, I hated it. No one except my best friend knew my true age. It’s funny how bigger numbers appeal to younger girls. And what is the deal with the legal community and 21? I stand with the free thinkers; age is nothing but a number.

My aunt casually ranted about the biological clock or something like that. It seems she understands science in a weird reversed way; it’s hard to explain why we were having that conversation in the first place.

Please who else thinks the maze is real?

Image result for mazeYou see, Instagram is a bloody shit hole of pride. I’m freaking tired of the smiley model-like faces with achievements longer than my wish list all beginning with, “at just 23 or at only 24.” Bloody hell! Can the rest of me grow in peace?

I don’t like routines but I stick to my schedule.

My friend from university has made it her goal to send me pictures every Saturday. Apparently, there’s something that makes most of the girls I went to school with,  tie the knot every Saturday. Here’s the sad part, I think they are too young.

Where was I when others got the adulting memo?

Image result for scaredThe last man-friend I attempted having told me I have big dreams, too big in fact and gently hinted that, he hopes reality falls on me. Anyway, I stopped trying after that.

I still carry my first passport photo in my purse, it makes me feel safe.

I know this is weird, but I’d rather starve than eat something I don’t like. I have a thing for food that’s green. I don’t like junk, I swear! but I indulge sometimes even though it hurts my belly afterwards.

People say waking up early is hard, I wonder why. I’m no alien, I hate alarm clocks too.

My ex-roommate once called me a robot, it sounded more like a compliment to me. She said I timed everything, well most things. I can’t help it; my brain is a bitch. Just last week, I signed up for a 31 days writing challenge and now I can’t go to bed unless am done with this.

I’m sorry, how did I get here?

Maybe I have a ridiculously long to-do list or perhaps, reality really means mediocrity. There’s something about age that condones settling. They call it, settling down.

My parents’ lifestyle scares me, I love them to death but that’s the truth. I’m never listening to the lady who lives next door again.The other day, I saw her looking pitifully, supporting her head on her folded palms while singing an Igbo gospel song. By the way, I’m a Christian.

I still believe dreams come true, I dream a lot these days and most of them are nightmares. I sometimes think I have two brains or half a brain, either way, I’m not like them.

My aunt told me recently that she was going to start eating healthy again; she’s right here caressing a coke bottle. And no! I’m not judging, I simply remembered what she had said she would do.

Not to brag, I once said I’d have a 5.0 GPA and I did. Guess what, I still feel dumb as hell most times plus why did I even use that pathetic statement, “not to brag.”

Remember what I said about the humbling nature of age? I think it works like hypnosis. I hate how my cousin gave up on her dreams of going to med school because according to her, studying medicine takes too long and she’s not getting any younger.

My older friend is tired of telling people she’s actually a Miss. She says it’s the surprise on their faces that irritates her the most. I think that’s why she’s having a mild case of high blood pressure.

Someone said eventually, we all settle. In my own words, that’s bullshit! I have a long list of golden oldies; I should write about them but thank God for Google.

Today is my birthday.  I should buy a cake and appreciate the subtle reminder of my ticking clock.






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5 Replies to “Something horrible just happened and I think it’s my birthday.”

  1. I liked the first half of the article, however the second half seemed a bit…freestyle. Having said that, I hope your dreams come true.

  2. Normally I do not read article on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up very pressured me to check out and do so! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thanks, quite nice article.

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